How to Move Out Safely From a Domestic Violence Situation
If you’re trying to leave an abusive relationship, there are resources to help you find a safer living situation. While HireAHelper isn’t a direct crisis service, we believe in providing helpful information so you have as much support as possible when you’re ready to move.
Here’s a step-by-step guide on how to prepare and execute a safe exit strategy if you or your loved ones are experiencing domestic violence:
1. Know Important Crisis and Helpline Numbers
If at any point you feel you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 911. Otherwise, here are additional hotlines and support services that offer free, confidential assistance:
- National Domestic Violence Hotline: Call1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224 (for deaf/hard of hearing), text“START” to 88788, or visit their website
- National Deaf Domestic Violence Hotline: Connect with the ASL hotline at 1-855-812-1001, email nationaldeafhotline@adwas.org, or visit their website
- Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline: Call 1-800-422-4453, text “GO” to 800-422-4453, or visit their website
- RAINN (National Sexual Assault Hotline): Call1-800-656-HOPE (4673), text “HOPE” to 64673, or visit their website
- 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Dial 988 from a regular phone or videophone or TTY 711 then 988, text 988, or visit their website for online chat
- Loveisrespect (Teens/Young Adults): Call 1-866-331-9474, text “LOVEIS” to 22522, or visit their website
- New York City Anti-Violence Project (LGBTQ+): Call 1-212-714-1141 or visit their website
- Family Advocacy Program (for active-duty military members and their families) Contact your local Family Advocacy Program office
If you’re reading this from outside the U.S., you can find global hotlines at the International Directory of Domestic Violence Agencies.
2. Contact a Domestic Violence Advocate or Shelter Immediately
If you’re weighing your options, talking to someone who understands what you’re going through can make a huge difference. Trained advocates offer warmth, empathy, and practical help. They can also explain what resources are available in your area and help you figure out the next step.
Here are some typical services many hotlines and shelters provide:
- 24/7 emergency hotlines
- Housing and shelter referrals
- Legal advocacy (for example, help obtaining protective orders)
- Counseling and safety planning
Many local domestic violence shelters have on-call advocates and emergency housing available. You can search for shelters at DomesticShelters.org or dial 211 for local referrals.
If you aren’t ready to leave right away, talking with a professional can give you clarity, hope, and a much-needed listening ear.
3. Create a Concrete Exit Strategy
Thinking about leaving can be scary, but making a simple plan can help you feel more in control of your future. Even small steps can boost your confidence and keep you safer when the time to leave arrives:
- Mark a physical calendar with a tentative move-out date or range of days
- Consider times when your abuser is less likely to notice (for example, when they’re at work)
- Consider who you trust to keep your location confidential
- Emergency shelters can be lifesaving when you need immediate refuge
- If finances allow, choose a place where you’ll be harder to locate (like hotels and motels)
4. Secure Financial Resources
Financial control is a common tool of abusers, which can make leaving seem impossible. Remember, there are small yet meaningful ways to gain financial footing, even if it feels overwhelming:
- Use a different bank than your abuser
- If physical access is an issue, look into an online-only bank you can set up with minimal paperwork
- Hide money in safe, unexpected places
- Ask a trusted friend or relative to hold onto what you’ve saved
Local shelters or nonprofits sometimes have emergency funds or microgrants for survivors. Check with the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV)—you might be eligible for additional support.
5. Gather and Store Vital Documents
Having your essential paperwork in order can spare you significant stress later. Even just making copies and tucking them away can be a powerful first step toward independence. Collect the following:
- Birth certificates and social security cards
- Driver’s licenses or photo IDs
- Insurance documents (health, car, home)
- Protective or divorce papers, custody orders
- Medical records for you and any children
- Bank statements, credit cards, and financial documents
- Evidence of abuse (photos, police/medical reports)
Store these items in a discreet folder or bag. If it’s safe, you can also scan and upload them to a secure cloud folder (Google Drive or Dropbox) with a strong password your abuser can’t guess.
6. Arrange School and Childcare Permissions
Worrying about children’s safety is often one of the biggest hurdles in leaving. Give yourself credit for protecting them, and know there are systems that can help. Here’s what to do if you also need to leave with children:
- Add or remove pick-up permissions at your child’s school or daycare
- Alert school officials if you have a protective order; provide a copy if possible
- Set up a secret password with your kids (if they are old enough) so they know who is safe
7. Shield Your Digital Footprint
Many abusers track phone calls, texts, browsing history, or even your location through GPS or “spyware” apps. It’s understandable to feel nervous about technology in this situation, but there are ways to protect yourself.
- Use a safe device, like a friend’s phone or a public-access computer, for sensitive research
- Turn off location services on social media and messaging apps
- Get a new or prepaid phone if you suspect your current one is compromised
- Delete your search history and use incognito browsing windows, or clear your browser cache regularly
- Update passwords with questions only you can answer (avoid shared memories or guessable info)
For more detailed tech safety help, visit the National Network to End Domestic Violence's (NNEDV’s) Safety Net Project. You have a right to communicate freely without being watched or threatened.
8. Plan for Move Day
Try to streamline as much as possible when moving day arrives. Make checklists, enlist friends to help, and coordinate as quietly as you can.
- Secure weapons, if any, are in the home, or remove them if you can safely do so
- Change online logins and passwords right before leaving
- Disable your car GPS if your abuser might be tracking you
- Prepare an emergency bag with medications, clothes, important documents, chargers, and cash
Additionally, you should coordinate with movers and let them know this is a sensitive situation; this ensures their discretion. Many moving companies have experience with this, so don’t be hesitant to start this conversation. If you feel more comfortable, a friend or caseworker may speak on your behalf. If you’re working with a shelter or other domestic violence organization, they often deal with movers for you. In sensitive cases, it’s important for movers to know specific information, for your safety and theirs:
- How to communicate before the move and only use approved avenues of communication (for example, text messages, calls between certain times, emails)
- An exact time to attend the property, and whether they should contact immediately before arrival to ensure it’s still safe to attend
- How much of a time window is available for loading the truck
- How much stuff you have, as they may need additional crew to fully load in the available timeframe
- Whether a law enforcement officer will be on standby
- Whether they need to use an unmarked truck
- Only to discuss the details of your move with authorized people. Consider having a password in place for move-related communications
- Not to leave paperwork in plain view. Neighbors or others may communicate details of a new address to the abuser
- Whether any circumstances may necessitate a last-minute change of plan. For example, if you believe the truck is being followed, you might need your items stored instead of going directly to the new property.
- Not to post details of the move on social media or otherwise use in marketing content
9. Explore Additional Legal Protections
Legal help may feel intimidating, but knowing your rights can empower you. It can also put critical safeguards in place. Look into:
10. Stay Connected to Support
The path to healing doesn’t end once you walk out the door. Finding consistent emotional and practical support can help you rebuild your life.
- Seek counseling or therapy, especially if you need help processing trauma
- Join support groups—hearing others’ stories can help you feel less alone
- Keep friends or family updated on your well-being and any new concerns
- Look into relocation assistance programs for help finding permanent housing or a new job